Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Overheard at the Christmas Eve Dinner Table

mommy weber: My goal is to gain as much weight as possible before the New Year because heavier people lose weight faster.

mommy lisa: Are you going to go back to weight watchers?

mommy weber: No. I don't like their attitude.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Overheard at ShopKo

punk-rocker mom: Honey, if you can't be good, I'm going to make you listen to Toby Keith's Christmas.

3-ish-year-old boy: I don't want to.

punk-rocker mom: I know, honey. Nobody wants to.

Friday, December 21, 2007

No Possible Weigh

I visited my doctor on the way to work this morning. It was very very snowy, and as a result the nurse was not in quite yet. So my doctor asked the receptionist lady to weigh me and show me to my room. I stepped on the scale and up popped a number I do not wish to disclose. I looked at the receptionist lady who was just standing there staring at the readout. I was wondering if she was going to write it down or if I should just step off the scale when she finally said, with as much disbelief as a girl can have in her voice, "I don't think that's right."

I started laughing and said, "That's very sweet of you, but that number is indeed accurate."

With the sound of disbelief and the look of shock not going anywhere, she said, "I can't believe that. I would never have guessed that. I wouldn't make a very good nurse."

I assured her that she makes the best nurse ever.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Dream About the Nap

The other day I was napping and dreamt about my nap.

In real life and in my dream, I was tired and watching tv, as I often am on a Sunday. I had plans with my friend Dave that evening, and knew I needed to call him to figure out what we would be doing, but it was only 12:20 and I figured I'd be a better conversationalist post-my nap, which I anticipated lasting about an hour.

In my dream, I woke up and realized it was getting dark-ish outside. I checked the time - 5:30. Shit! I felt like a jerk for not calling Dave sooner, and felt surprised that he hadn't called me either. So I called, and he told me that he had actually decided to go shopping instead, and we weren't going to be hanging out. Fine then.

This all felt very real. Until my phone woke me up, and I realized that in real life it was only 1:00 and sunny. It was Dave calling to offer up dinner and a movie, not to ditch me. Phew.

P.S. We saw No Country For Old Men, and I'm sorry to everyone who thinks its the best movie ever of all time...I didn't like it. It weirded me out.

Friday, December 14, 2007

What Are You Implying, Google?

Tonight is girls night, sweatpants required. The girls and I have been emailing back and forth about it for a little while now. This morning I opened the chain of emails, and along with it came the following Google Sponsored Links on my sidebar:
Find a Rich Guy Today
Rude Offensive T Shirts
Fabulous Girls Underwear
Talk about creepster dot com. How does Google know that we're rude, offensive gold diggers in fabulous underwear? Is Google stalking us?

Good Start / Bad Start

Good Start: A handsome Latino man with a sexy accent was leaving Starbucks at the same time as me and said, "You look very nice with your glasses." Heck yes I do.

Bad Start: I was thinking about the Latino man instead of paying attention to the car in front of me. Which was stopped. In the middle of the road. For no apparent reason. Don't worry - the road was not slippery and I slowed down quickly enough to not hit them. I did have to navigate a snowbank to get around them though. And my heart was racing faster than I wanted it to.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Early Bird Special

We've discussed my snoozing problem. A couple of times. I'm not good at mornings. Obviously. So when Hannah said, "We're meeting at Ruth's at 7:45 on Wednesday for breakfast. Do you want to come?" I thought, "You must be kidding. You want me to get up early? And meet you somewhere at 7:45? A.M.? And you're not going to pay me for it?"

As it turns out, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was fun. From 8:00-9:00 a.m., Ruth's will feed you a biscuit, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and pancakes...all for the low cost of $4.97. You get to drink coffee and chat with girlfriends. And you get to go to work in a jovial mood.

Same time next week, ladies?

Monday, December 3, 2007

Observations From the Weekend

1. Although they are a dangerous combination, it is possible to fall in love with high heels and snow in the same year.

2. It is really great to have girlfriends who get together on a Friday night to share a pizza and four bottles of wine while chatting straight through three movies in a row. In sweatpants.

3. Boys who are only willing to communicate with you through text messaging are dirtbags.

4. I need to convince one Heather Badger Plummer to move herself and her cute family to The SLC. She always manages to tell the funniest stories when you're in the worst mood.

5. When you need someone to crash the pity party you're throwing for yourself, call Sarah. She knows which coffee shops serve both cupcakes AND beer. On top of that, if the opportunity presents itself, she might bring you homemade pumpkin beer*.
*Sarah, I can't remember who you said made the beer, but I would appreciate it if you could please let them know that it is not only the best homemade beer I've ever tried, but also the best pumpkin beer I've ever tried. And I've tried a lot of pumpkin beers.

6. Burlesque shows in Utah, while offering the promise of coolness, are not quite as cool as I was hoping.

7. Friends from the states in the middle that start with "M" have the best accents.

8. The dollar store on 800 East and 200 South looks really small from the outside, but fear not - it has the same amount of junk on the inside as other dollar stores. Only in a more claustrophobic fashion.

9. When someone takes your wet, clean clothes out of a washer you are clearly still using, as indicated by the bag of dry, dirty clothes sitting right next to said washer, it provides the motivation to stop saying you're saving for your own washer/dryer and actually start saving.

10. Unshoveled sidewalks add a new element of adventure to running.

11. I really enjoy cooking for myself, and need to get back into the habit of doing it. Who else is going to make creole pork chops with red beans and rice and then put the leftovers into tupperware containers and freeze them for my lunches?

12. It is an incredible boost when an adorable, charming, funny 25-ish-year-old boy thinks you're only 22. And means it. Even if he's very drunk. And married.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Dream About the Refrigerator

I just remembered that I had another dream I remember.

I dreamt that I was in my little kitchen, scrounging for something to eat. I opened my fridge and to my horror (joy? no! horror!) it was full of things like cheesecake and yogurt-covered pretzels and chocolate grahams and other such holiday treats. I couldn't find anything healthy in there and my tummy was hurting.

Just to clarify, my refrigerator is actually full of Gatorade and Bud Light and various salad dressings, but nothing to put said dressings on.

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Polar Ice Caps Are Melting

Dear Al Gore,

I understand that global warming is a serious problem, and that rising sea levels can have serious repercussions, but I am a little bit in love with this weather. Please don't be mad. I mean, Al, yesterday was November 18 and I had all of the windows in my house open all day freshening the place up. I went for a walk with John, and worked up a sweat. I wore flip flops...outside. It was glorious.

If it makes you feel better, I do love the compact fluorescent light bulbs in my kitchen, and hope to find some that dim for my dining room fixture. In fact, maybe you could talk to the Home Depot about carrying those sorts of things. I've mentioned it, but I don't think I have as much pull as you do.


Friday, November 16, 2007

I Have a Crush on DJ Sam Smith

Marissa and I are F.U.N.K. Radio listeners every Friday on KRCL 90.9. Today I decided I needed a request fulfilled, so I sent this uber-dorky email to Sam:
Dear D.J. Sam,
Could you please play Frankie Smith's Double Dutch Bus? The Sugar Hill Gang is making me crave it for some reason...
A Faithful Fan,
And he's playing it NOW! Oh. Wow. Sam. Thank you!

Dunkin' Donuts Love

Dear Sarah,

I just wanted to let you know that I decided to drop the extra $2 to try the Dunkin' Donuts Cinnamon Spice Coffee and... Oh. My. God. Its like $20 yummier than any of the Folders Gourmet flavors.

Thanks for letting me know.


P.S. I bought it at the Smith's near my house. But I understand if you keep using Dunkin' Donuts Coffee unavailability in the downtown area as an excuse to drive all the way to Target to do your grocery shopping. Target has way better shoes and bags than any of the downtown grocery stores.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Oh Man

You know when you're getting ready for work and then you realize that you don't have any coffee OR milk and you get bummed out so you sit on the couch and all of the sudden it's 30 minutes later and you have to go to work with your hair looking like ass? That happened to me today.

(Do you say, "all of the sudden," or, "all of a sudden." I'm never sure on that one.)

(I really need to start blogging again. I miss it.)

Monday, October 29, 2007

The Dream About the Tornado

My college roommate Melanie and I used to keep dream journals. I used to wake up and write at least a little snippet every day. Nowadays, I never remember my dreams. Unless I'm just not having them anymore. But last night I had a dream that seemed very real and caused me to become wide awake for about 15 minutes at around 3:00 a.m.

It was daytime. I was home in my condo with someone, although I'm not sure who. It was really stormy outside and every single tv channel had interrupted regular broadcasting to follow the tornado that was traveling all the way through Utah, from north to south. The tv showed a map of Utah with a graphic of the tornado whirling in its current location, while voices were frantically reporting on the progress and damage. The tornado finally got to the Salt Lake part of the map, so my companion and I looked out of my north-facing window, and sure enough, there it was. It wasn't as wide as I expected it to be, but it was spinning fast and looked really scary. It rushed right past my building, and then everything got really calm. My companion and I went onto my deck to check out the complex. Other people were outside, too, but everyone was quiet and somber. The sky was still very dark, but the trees were eerily still. The building to the south of me was hit, and there was a hole in the wall of the ground floor unit and the third floor unit. Through the hole of the third floor unit we could see an upright bass and some other instruments that were now all wet and ruined. A blond-haired, dread-locked guy came out looking completely devastated, carrying another upright bass.

You may or may not (but most likely may, if you've met me) know that I am absolutely terrified of earthquakes. So in my 3:00 a.m. post-dream-ness, I started panicking that my tornado dream was just a premonition that we were about to suffer from a more-likely-in-Utah natural disaster. I was finally able to go back to sleep when I remembered that I'd been watching "Storm Chasers" on Discovery Channel yesterday, and that's likely what prompted the dream.

I guess I better add "Storm Chasers" to the list of too-scary-for-me-to-watch-alone shows, and stick with things like "Desperate Housewives" and "Sex in the City."

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I Ran a Half Marathon!!

My first big race was on Sunday and still I... A) can't believe I did it and felt great and smiled the whole time! B) am totally on runner's high! I ran the Other Half in Moab with Dad, Lisa, Sara, Cristin, and Alli. Here we are at the start, all smiles, albeit a titch nervous... (Well, maybe not Lisa. A 13 mile run is a walk in the park for a woman who does Iron Mans.)I should clarify that by "ran with," I mean, "ran behind." I was the last one of our group over the finish line at 2 hours 55 minutes, accomplished what I set out to do, which was run every step of 13.1 miles, and hopefully have some fun doing it. The course was beautiful, the weather was perfect, and having always loved the energy at a race, I can now say for certain its even better when you're one of the participants!

I'll admit, I got really scared when I got to my first hill, but after stopping super quick for a photo, I told myself, "Jessica, you're more than halfway done, you still feel amazing, and you can totally do this!"So I did. I ran up this hill (that's mile marker 7 halfway up) and passed four other runners in the process. And I ran up every hill that came after it. I even giggled when I got to the top of the hill at mile 8 and heard some girls asking the gatorade guy, "That was the worst part, right?" Come on girls, this run is cake!

I was greeted by some drummers at mile 11-ish and was so excited! At that point I'd run further than I've run EVER, the sun was shining, I only had two more easy, downhill miles to go, and I could see the ranch where the finish line and free beer were waiting for me.
I was greeted at the finish line by the aforementioned friends who ran "with" me and helped me accomplish this HUGE goal in the first place, a cute and teary-eyed ever so proud Mommy, and a jumping and screaming self-described athletic supporter, Travis. I could NOT believe how great I felt! Sure, I was hobbling. But I was also laughing and smiling and drinking free beer to celebrate that fact that I RAN A HALF MARATHON!!!!

Thanks SO SO much Dad and Mommy Lisa and Poloni Sandwich and Nurse Kimball and Alli Tanner. I'm so proud of all of us, and would NEVER have done this without you! Let's do it again!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Thank You, Interweb

I love blogging. For a number of reasons. One being the information you can gather while being thoroughly entertained.

I.E., I made it 31 years without even the slightest idea that my mom was traumatized by worms. But luckily Kate blogged about Nate and Sarah's Worm Society, which prompted Mom to leave a comment about Grandpop putting a giant worm in her pocket as a child. Hilarious!

So spill it, Mom. How did you find the worm? How did you react? Were you still with Grandpop at the time of discovery, or had you made it all the way to school or where ever you were going in your coat? Inquiring minds want to know.

Monday, October 8, 2007

That's AUNT Jess To You

Its true. Brad and Maeve have a bun in the oven. YAY!

As if that's not enough...they're also selling their house. I would buy it if I could afford it. But since I can't, I hope someone who will love it very much will. Maybe that someone is you. Maybe I can come visit and watch Lost in your newly finished basement, just for old time's sake.

Friday, September 21, 2007

En Fuego

I'm sorry. I missed it. When, exactly, did it become socially acceptable to light a fire in the dumpster at the condo complex where I live?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Fall. Football. Father.

I've always loved summer. And always disliked when summer started cooling down into fall.

But I recently found something that I love about fall. Football, oddly enough. I've spent the past two Sundays picking up the mess I managed to create throughout the week, with the tv tuned into the NFL. Last week it was opening day, so it was kind of a novelty. But by the end of the day I realized how comforting it is to have it on. The announcer guys, the whistling, the cheering crowds. It all makes me think of Dad. There were a couple of times last week where I came out of my kitchen or bedroom and half expected to see Dad sitting on the couch with a tray of club crackers (remember when they came in the big sheet of four?), skippy creamy peanut butter, an assortment of jellies, and some chocolate milk.

I love you, Dad! Go Eagles!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

If You Love Laughing Like I Do...

...see SPAMALOT. Immediately. (You have until September 16.)

Friday, August 31, 2007

Again. With the Snoozing.

Remember way back in March when I was having the hardest time EVER waking up? Its happening again. For like the past three weeks I've done a ridiculous amount of snoozing. I know damn well that excessive snoozing makes me tired and groggy for the entire day, even after rushing through my shower and chugging down a cup of coffee.

(There once was a day when I got up on time, took a leisurely shower, and cooked an entire breakfast that I ate while enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee. Come back to me, that day. Please.)

Take today, for example. My alarm - the second one, the one in the closet - went off. I stood up and said to myself, very determinedly, "Jessica! You snooze, you lose!" And then I hit that stupid snooze button anyway. At 6:30 and 6:39 and 6:48 and 6:57 and 7:06 and 7:15 and 7:24 AND 7:33. AN HOUR AND THREE MINUTES OF SNOOZING! On the bright side, I probably don't need to exercise too much today because I probably covered 3 miles walking from my bed to my alarm clock.

What in gods name is wrong with me???

(The above question is intended to be rhetorical, but if you feel you must answer, can we please stick with the things that are wrong with me in regards to over-sleeping? Thank you.)

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I'm On Your What?

Just after I found out Sarah was missing me, I ran into her at a Gallivan concert. Michael Franti, maybe? Anyway. I asked her if she noticed that I posted a post just for her. She said, "Yes, you're on my RSS feed, so I saw it right away!" Thus marks the day that I learned what an RSS feed is. Interesting.

Learning what an RSS feed is should in no way imply that I learned how to use an RSS feed. Technology confuses me. I did start noticing that some websites have an RSS button. For example, you can subscribe to an RSS feed through Netflix that will keep you up to date on their newest releases. I noticed that yesterday, but didn't know how to make it work.

Enter my technologically inclined brother and sister-in-law. We were at Bombay House last night for Maeve's birthday dinner (I also learned about Indian food last night), when I remembered to ask them how to make (? create? use? I don't even know how to talk about technology) an RSS feed. Turns out, you just scroll down to the bottom of a blog, click on where it says "Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)" and link it right to your iGoogle. (Surprisingly, I do know what iGoogle is, and already had my own set up.)

Kickass! I'll never miss a blog post again. My boss will be so proud.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Eat Noodles!

Want to eat great, inexpensive food and support Big Brothers Big Sisters of Utah at the same time? Of course you do! Who wouldn't?

The Sugarhouse Noodles & Company (1152 E 2100 S) is generously hosting a fundraising night for BBBSU on Tuesday, August 28 from 5:00-10:00 p.m. That night, 20% of all sales will go directly to supporting our mentoring programs. Hope to see you there!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Character Schmaracter

I love the view from my office. Or should I say, loved? While sitting at my desk, I could turn slightly to the left, and see this...There have been so many mornings where I would turn to see my train being illuminated by the sunlight that was gushing over the Wasatch Mountains, and think to myself, "I should take a picture of that!"

Well. I'll never get the chance. My office complex is under new management. And they have decided that we don't need a train. Or trees. We're going to be all parking lot, all the time.

The only good thing about this decision? Two cranes came to remove my train. My grandfather was a crane operator, so cranes have always had a special place in my heart. Not to mention the fact that I act like a five-year-old whenever there is heavy machinery or a helicopter around. What can I say? I'm easily fascinated and entertained.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

You Were Missing Me?

Hello Readers! (And by readers, I mean Sarah.)

You may or may not know that I used to teach preschool to kidlettes who, for the most part, spoke English as their second language. They would say the cutest things. One of my favorites came the day after I was out sick. One of my dang cute little girls said, "Yesica, yesterday you were sick? I was missing you."

As it turns out, you, readers (and by readers, I mean Sarah) have been missing me. I apologize for my absence from blogworld. I assure you I have not been sick, but since I returned from Island Park, I have been rather busy...
...traveling to Port Heuneme, CA for a half marathon
...volunteering at Red Butte concerts
...attempting to become a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant
...attending Gallivan concerts
...planning and playing kickball

You would think that at least one of those things would inspire some good blog material. And I'm sure they have. But I just haven't noticed. Because I do my best blogging at work, and at work I've been rather busy...
...planning a donor cultivation event for Salt Lake City
...planning a donor cultivation event for Ogden, and traveling there to make it happen
...creating a video about two of our matches
...planning a fundraising breakfast that will take place in Salt Lake, Park City, AND Saint George
...doing presentations at rotaries in exotic, far away cities like Midway
...trying to become emotionally prepared for Bowl for Kids' Sake, which is in the not too distant future
...trying to become emotionally prepared to put on our first ever Chef & Child fund raising gala, which will immediately follow Bowl for Kids' Sake

Oh god. I'm having an aneurysm.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Yellowstone: Making Wilderness Accessible to Tourons Since 1872

What is a touron, you might ask? Well, "touron" is a term coined by Kate to describe someone who is both a tourist and a moron. The type of person you might see hiking in keds with no water, or putting their child on the back of a bison because it makes a great photo op. A touron would allow their children to do this:forcing our national park system to put up signs like this:
We joined the throng of tourons at Yellowstone on Sunday. We felt like true Americans, spending six hours in the car, only seeing the sights you can see from the road. As mentioned in a previous post, our goals for the day were a bear, a moose, and a bald eagle snacking on a buffalo carcass. Unfortunately, we did not see any of those things. We did, however, see:
  • a bald eagle in its nest
  • a gaggle of geese
  • two peregrine falcons (which we later determined were actually nesting osprey - thank you, signage!)
  • a western tanenger
  • a field full of elk
  • a bison wailing on a tree (a.k.a. scratching his head)
  • an otter? a beaver? a piece of driftwood? (Dad swore he saw it dive, but I missed that action.)
  • several tourons coming well within the recommended 25 yards of an elk resting in the grass
  • a kamikaze beetle that crashed into Brad's face
  • pot guts (I swear I had never heard of a pot gut until Camp Misconduct last summer - is it a chipmunk? A squirrel? A new species of rodent? What exactly is a pot gut?)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

My Parents Have Been Married for 37 Years!

Dad and I were reading on the deck of the cabin in Island Park on Monday night, when he looked up from his book into the kitchen where Mom, Brad, and Maeve were preparing dinner. He said, "Thirty-seven fucking years."

I said, "I know, Dad. That's a long time. Its awesome."

Still looking into the cabin, he got this look on his face I couldn't quite read. Confused, with my eyebrows scrunched, I asked, "Does that bum you out?"

He said, "Oh, no! I was just thinking about how much I love her."

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!!!!!!!! I love you both so much!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Knickerbocker Family Retreat

I see that Brad & Maeve beat me to the punch with their list of family vacay highlights. These are mine:

1) Running a whole 4 miles at a high elevation and not feeling like I was going to die.
2) Summiting Sawtelle Peak. In the car.3) Walking by the neighboring run-down cabin and having the "Deliverance"-style guy in overalls with no shirt asking us if he can help us with anything. And then having him come ask us for Mike's metal scraps an hour or so later while we were trying to enjoy porch time. Turns out he collects and sells junk.
4) Mountain Meatball sandwiches at Ernie's.
5) Driving around Yellowstone trying to spot a bear or a moose or a bald eating snacking on a buffalo carcass (we did not see any of the above). Also, waiting for 40 minutes for Old Faithful to erupt and then missing the beginning of it because we were busy buying gatorade in the general store.
6) Ice cream sundaes at Moose Berries in West Yellowstone.
7) Watching an opsrey dive into the river while lunching on the patio at the Trout Hunter Bar & Grill.
8) Tubing the Henry's Fork of the Snake River and watching four pelicans take off from the water right next to us.

It was an excellent trip, and I hope some sort of new-founded family tradition sprouts from it. Thanks for everything, Mom & Dad!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Two Diet Coke Cans

I often have two diet coke cans on my desk. One is full of diet coke. The other is where I put my sunflower seed shells. I try to keep them on opposite sides of my keyboard to avoid confusion, but still, it can prove to be disastrous. Thankfully, I've never taken a sip of sunflower seed shells. I have, however (and devastatingly), ruined a perfectly good can or two of cold and refreshing diet coke. Once the shell is in, you just can't get it back out. Sad.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Speaking of Free Summer Concerts

Signing up as a volunteer for Red Butte Gardens is the best thing I've done for myself this summer! So far I've...

...stood in the parking lot letting VIPs into the VIP parking area, and in return got to see Scrapomatic and the Derek Trucks & Susan Tedeschi Soul Stew Revival, front row joe, and it totally rocked!!

...stood next to the recycling cans and helped people sort their garbage into the appropriate recycling bin, and in return got to see Bela Fleck & Chick Corea, a show I never would have decided to go to on my own, and am really glad I got to see, although it was pretty mellow and technical.

...roamed up and down the line trading tickets for wristbands, and in return got to see Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder, which was a super fun, high-energy, bluegrass dance party that I loved loved loved!

And I still get to see The Neville Brothers, The Sierra Leone Refuge Allstars, Bruce Hornsby, and Sun Volt. For FREE! (Readers: if you're going to be at any of these shows, please let me know - I'd love to borrow a corner of your blanket.)

Friday, July 6, 2007

Summer Nights Have Officially Begun

I am so excited to spend my Thursday nights at the Twilight Concert Series! Free live music? Warm evening air? Endless amounts of incredible people watching? Beer? Shakin' my groove thang? Those are all of my favorite things! And I can get them every week, right here, in The SLC. Lucky me! :)

Monday, July 2, 2007

My Most Embarrassing Moment So Far Today

The background: I'm a little sickly today. Tired. I didn't do my hair. I'm not wearing any make-up. I lost my voice (its likely somewhere at Port-O-Call, right next to Handerson's phone).

The moment: I was leaving my office to go to a meeting. I walked into the lobby of our building just as three people were coming in from outside. The toe of my right shoe somehow got stuck in the cuff of my left pant leg. I tripped. Not like a little stumble then retrieve yourself kind of trip. But like a face-down on the floor, rug-burn on the forearm kind of trip. I didn't want to appear as though my pride was crushed, so I jumped up, put on a smile, and in my scratchy whisper voice said, "Hi guys!"


Friday, June 22, 2007

My Kitchen Walls

Brando, Chadder, and Jason - Thank you ever so much for the gift certificate to Walls that you gave to me for my birthday eight months ago. I finally used it.

Brittney - Thank you for opening such a cute store, and for knowing just what color I wanted when I came in.

Friends - You should visit Walls at 1465 South 700 East in The SLC.



Thursday, June 21, 2007

First Day of SUMMER!!!!!!!

photo courtesy my awesome brother

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

How Did Someone Decide to Try This?

Whenever I hear about a new recipe at Weight Watchers, I wonder to myself, "Who on earth was the first person to decide that combination was going to work well??? Are they Mormon, or a stoner?" I certainly don't mean any offense to Mormons or stoners - I'm mostly fascinated.

Admit it, Mormons, you have some interesting food combos. Like the produce in a jello mold idea...that was you guys, right? Yesterday, we had a substitute leader at The W.W. who suggested that we mix a packet of butterscotch pudding into a can of crushed pineapple, then fold in diced apples and fat free cool whip. She promised that it would taste like a caramel apple, but without the bad stuff. And she's right, but really! Who's idea was it to put butterscotch pudding mix into a can of crushed pineapple?

And then there's the diet coke cake. I can only imagine a stoner with mad munchies riffling through their kitchen, coming up with a can of diet coke and a box of chocolate cake mix, and wondering...just wondering...what would happen if they baked it together. As it turns out, it makes a delicious, fluffy, low-point chocolate cake, but really! Who's idea was it to put a can of diet coke into a chocolate cake mix?

Somebody fess up. Please.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Kids These Days

Yesterday I spotted two teenaged girls on one bicycle. The girl driving the bike was wearing this flowery tunic that was billowing in the wind in a way I found amusing, although I can't remember why. Even better, though, was her passenger who was standing on pegs on the back of the bike, with one hand on the bicycle driver's shoulder, and the other hand text messaging. Classic.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Visitors From Another World

How rad is The SLC? Rad enough to have a UFO sighting this morning!! Dayna and Rana actually saw it on their way home from the gym. Lucky!

If I was smarter at the internet, I would embed the video for you, and then advise you to skip the first 3 minutes. If you know how to embed a video, you should tell me, just in case something rad happens in the future and I feel like people should watch a video about it.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

202 Attorneys

I was given a list of 202 attorneys, all of whom had been invited to an event we are hosting next week, and was asked to call them to confirm their attendance.

27 said yes
42 said no
1 said he doesn't take these kinds of calls at work
2 asked me to call back later in the week
6 are no longer with the firm we thought they were with
3 I simply can't find
and 121 got the exact same voicemail from me

If you've never left 121 of the same voicemail...well, it makes you tired. It hurts your neck. It makes you mumble under your breath from time to time, "kill me now." Basically, it turns you into a whiney baby. Just ask my new office-mate, Marissa. She was fortunate enough to hear it all.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Let the Bicycling Begin!

Thanks for rescuing this beaut from the dump for me, Bradley!

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Heart of Holladay 5K

Maybe I'm not so crazy after all. Running alone is hard. And boring. And hard. I'll admit it. But when you're running, surrounded by other runners, and the sun is rising over Mount Olympus, and there's a great album on your iPod (this morning it was ALO's Fly Between Falls), its not so hard.

I can do this times 4. I just to need to find three or four more albums where every time a track changes, I get a huge grin on my face, imagine I'm on Jam Cruise, and think to myself, "God, I love this song!" I can imagine that the view along the 13.1 miles in Moab is going to be just as, if not more, spectacular than the view of the sun coming up over Mount Olympus. I can do this. I will do this. I'm running a half marathon. Go me!

Friday, June 8, 2007

I Must Be Crazy

I just got talked into registering for the Moab Other Half.

Half = Half Marathon = 13.1 miles of running = I must be crazy.

If nothing else, I'll get a cool pint glass.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Paris Hilton Was Released From Jail!

GASP! ...seriously. Who f-ing cares? Did anyone really, honestly think she was going to serve 45 days? Or even 20? Is it really so shocking that a rich Hollywood princess got let out 43 days early that you have to cut to a press conference right in the middle of Damon Yauney's weather report? I couldn't care less about Paris's jail term. I want to know when its going to stop raining!

Monday, June 4, 2007

Happy Anniversary, Brad & Maeve!

If I find someone who treats me even half as well as my brother treats Maeve, I will consider myself very lucky.

An example for you: I was over at their house the other night working on my bike with Brad. Since the ride home was going to be my first bike ride since high school, Brad decided to ride with me, just in case. On our way out the door, Brad asked Maeve if she wanted a drink before he left. Who thinks to offer that? Only the greatest husband ever.

Brad & Maeve, congratulations on two years. I hope you have an excellent time celebrating in Australia. I love you both very much!

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Seeking Tennis Player, BYO Racket

I've been looking out of my kitchen window at the tennis court in the middle of my complex for two years now. This week I finally found someone to play with. Jenn came over last night and we played a rousing match of anything goes tennis. It was so much fun to just get out there, run around, and hit the ball back and forth, off the fence, whatever. I know Jenn will be back when she can, but I had such a blast, I could play everyday! It is hard to play alone, though (hint, hint). Friends? Do I have any takers?

Friday, June 1, 2007

Technological Breakthrough

Oh my gosh I'm so excited right now - I just had a breakthrough!

My phone service is with nextel because I know a guy who knows a guy, so its cheap. But a pain in my ass. For some reason that I don't understand, due to the fact that the text messaging goes through the internet instead of the network or however a normal phone works, I can't text right from my phone book. I have to memorize a number, go to this other spot in my phone, enter the number, and write the text. I can chose a number from a "previously sent" list, but it only saves the last 9 numbers I sent a text to. And I'm much more popular than that.

So today, I'm sending a text to Chelsey about how the sun we were sitting in at lunch time made me itchy, and I noticed that one of the options at the bottom of the "previously sent" list is "save?". HANG ON! I can save the numbers??? I swear to god this is a new feature, because in the year or two I've been using this phone, I would have noticed, right? OK, so maybe I have to enter all of my numbers twice into my phone, but at least I can text without having to memorize now! I see this as a poolside project for the weekend.

I know, right? Texting a work? What are you, Jessica? A highschooler? So what if I am.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I Can't Decide Which is Worse

Running past the smell of Millie's Burgers in the evening.
Running past the smell of Granite and Paradise Bakeries in the morning.

My name is Jessica, and I'm a fattening-food-aholic.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A Word of Advice

Don't wear pants that have four buttons and a zipper if you plan on drinking a lot of water.

Monday, May 21, 2007

A Note To My Yoga Instructor

Dear Micah,

What in God's name did you do to us on Saturday? Your class did not feel out of the ordinary. There weren't any poses I was previously unfamiliar with. So why, then, do my hamstrings feel as though they are ripping in half whenever I try to lower myself into a chair or run down a set of stairs? Why, Micah? WHY?

Painfully yours,

Friday, May 18, 2007

Kicking Balls and Taking Names

If kickball had a turkey (you know? like bowling?), the Azul Bolas earned one last night. I was told after our first win to enjoy that feeling, because that was it. But last night, we took our third win. And I am enjoying that feeling. Winning feels good. Go Blue Balls!

P.S. I - Miss Total Lack of Depth Perception - caught a fly ball. My team was proud.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007


Oh my god. My hands hurt from clapping. My throat hurts from screaming and laughing. My tummy hurts from that giant bowl of ice cream Dad wanted at half-time. But my first NBA Playoff Game was f-ing awesome!!! You frequent readers know I can't resist creating a list... So here it is - my favorite parts of the game:
  • There was an X-large Utah Jazz t-shirt on every seat in the lower bowl, which resulted in this amazing sea of light blue. My faves were all the business men who pulled the t-shirts over their collared shirts. And Larry Miller, stuffed into his XL like a pig in a blanket.
  • The crowd was crazy intense agro mad at the refs from the get-go. It was funny.
  • Right after half-time, the kid in front of me pointed and excitedly said, ''There's Fisher!" as the entire Center Formerly Known as Delta erupted in cheers and applause. There was so much energy in there!
  • Said kid was with, I think, his dad and his grandpa. They were three generations of intensity. The dad was yelling things like, "you're not a ref, you're an idiot," and "what game are you watching, ref?" into his megaphone. But when he yelled, he was kind of shaking and it made me nervous that he was going to have an aneurysm or embolism or something that pops in your brain. And when the Warriors were taking a foul shot and the crowd was booing, the grandpa would wait until the crowd was quiet, and then boo really loudly into his megaphone, and then look really proud of himself.
  • I've never slapped so many high-fives in my life.
  • Golden State Warrior Davis has a sweet beard even though he hardly has hair on the top of his head. And he is a whiny baby, even though he has good moves and scored a career record high of 36 points. (I just want to clarify that I don't know anything about sports. I just enjoy attending sporting events, and heard someone on the radio on the way home say "career record high of 36 points.")
  • The Jazz Bear was driving a segue, like Gob. And towards the end of the fourth quarter, one of the songs they played was "Final Countdown," like Gob uses at the beginning of his magic show.
  • The end of the fourth quarter was incredibly stressful , but we got an overtime!
  • And the Jazz won! By 10!
It was so much fun! I would love to post my pictures on flickr, but its 11:00 and I'm tuckered out. Maybe tomorrow. Or Friday.


Tuesday, May 8, 2007

There is Joy in my Heart

After hours of anticipation...
After checking every ten minutes since I got to work at 8:00 this morning...

The Jam Cruise 6 ports and bands are announced!!!

We're going to Roatan, Honduras and back to Costa Maya, Mexico. (I never imagined cruising to Honduras - I'm going to have to check out a map.)

And we're going with Galactic, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Soulive, The Motet, Toots & the Maytals, Yonder Mountain String Band, Perpetual Groove, Toubab Krewe, Karl Denson, The Everyone Orchestra, Funky Meters, other people I need to learn about, and more to be announced I'm sure.

Now to make my paper chain to help me count down to embarkation...

Thursday, May 3, 2007

The D.O.

I've been having this terrible back pain this week. Monday I spent literally the entire day laying on my back on a heating pad on my living room floor, bored practically to tears. So yesterday I went to a doctor who recommended I see a D.O. Turns out, D.O. stands for Doctor of Osteopathy, described to me as, "a chiropractor who went to med school." Well, if they can make it stop hurting, bring it.

This morning I called the D.O. and she said she could squeeze me in at 1:00. So at 1:00 I got there. These are the strange things that happened:
  1. She works out of her home - I didn't see that coming. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to knock, or just go in. Awkward.
  2. I decided to knock. When she answered she said, "As you can hear, there is a lot of vacuuming going on, and I already have a patient in the back, so you'll want to fill out this preliminary paper work in your car, where it will be more peaceful." (I don't know if you noticed, lady, but its pouring rain outside.)
  3. Back inside, she took me into her office, if you could call it that, and told me to take a seat. Then she grabbed her purse and said, "I have to pay my cleaning lady."
  4. Finally, she comes back in and we get to talking. Mid-sentence she stopped to explain that she ran out of tissues, and then she wiped her nose on her sleeve!!! Are you kidding???
  5. She answered not one, not two, but three calls on her cell phone! After the first she said, "I try not to get too distracted when I'm with a patient." Her hand was on my ass during the entire second call. And at the end of the third call she said to the person on the phone, "I'm with someone and can't talk right now," and then gave my back a little scratch/pat thing that I can only assume was meant as a comforting little, "I didn't forget about you."
  6. She assessed my alignment, and I wasn't too surprised to find out I'm wonky on the right side. She cracked my back, which was fine because I do that all the time. But when it got to the neck cracking, I told her I was pretty nervous, and she explained that its fine, its part of the realignment process, she does it all the time. But then after cracking my neck and asking if I felt ok, she said, "Good, I'm glad. I don't want you going back to your doctor and telling her I hurt you." Comforting.
  7. When doctors work out of their home, they don't take visa. I've never been to a doctor's home before, so I wasn't expecting to need a check. Or more money in my checking account than the amount of my copay. Turns out, when doctors work out of their homes, they expect you to write a check for the full amount and then trust that the insurance company will reimburse you. Huh. This ought to be interesting.
  8. When she told me the full amount would be $175, I must have looked surprised. Because she asked if that sounded fair. I answered, "I don't know. I've never payed for anything like this before." To which she responded, "Well we did spend a fair amount of time together." (But really? $70 an hour? I don't know if you noticed, lady, but you wiped snot on your sleeve right in front of me.)
The good news is, my back feels tremendously better. But at what cost?

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Moral Dilemma

My next-door neighbor up and moved out over the weekend because her boyfriend, quote un-quote, went and got psycho on her. But her newspaper still gets delivered. I think she's gone for good, but I suppose it is possible for her to come back.

So the dilemma is this: Can I take her Sunday paper? I want to know what's on sale at Target. Or should I leave it, in case she comes back, and the only thing she has to comfort her in this time of struggle is the Target ad?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Salt Lake Marathon 5K

I promised my dear Tara that I would not only run the 5K with her, but help her out before and after with the signage. No biggie, right? Except that I came down with a cold this week and was feeling not very energetic. And last night was miserable. (Please skip the next two paragraphs if you don't like whining.)

I had agreed to volunteer under the assumption that this is a huge event, and therefore well organized, and that there would be plenty of other volunteers doing signage with us. Ha. Tara, Christin, Cathy, and I were it. The dude with the signs was an hour late meeting us. It was cold. I felt like ass. There was a lot to do. I was feeling very discouraged about the running in the morning situation. Especially as 10:00, and then 11:00, came and went. We had to fight with the jerkfaces putting up the scaffold for some zipties. We ended up with these little
itty bitty microscopic zipties. We put what felt like 5,000 signs along 100 miles of fencing with said tiny zipties. Going along on our knees to attach the bottoms. Did I mention it was cold? And starting to rain? And now my knees hurt. Tara, for obvious reasons, wanted to finish the job she set out to do. Christin, Cathy, and I, unwilling to leave a man behind, suffered through it as quietly as we could manage. Finally, after midnight, we were dismissed. We get to the parking garage just in time for a post-movie traffic jam. Perfect. I made it home at 1:30 in the f-ing morning. Race day. I went to sleep on the wrong side of the bed...

Five hours later, and still on the wrong side of the bed, my alarm goes off. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a giver-upper and I'm walking this 5K. My nose is running, I have a raging headache, my throat is scratchy, I still feel like ass.

But before you send the wahmbulance, you should know that my spirits were starting to take a turn for the better by the time we hit the startline. I started off running. And kept running. And kept running. When I thought it'd been a few minutes, Mom pointed out that it had actually been fifteen! We were practically half-way there. I kept running. I couldn't believe it - I felt great! I kept running. I'm totally going to do this. South end of the Gateway, Mofro's "Lochloosa" comes on the iPod, J.J. Grey's sexy soulful voice is going to sing me on home. Two blocks from the finish, I ran even faster. People were cheering. Oh my gosh.

I crossed the finish line, and sort of wanted to die, but who cares? I just finished my second-ever 5K! And I feel really confident that I beat last year's time of 35:32. And that, my friends, is a great feeling.

Its like I was saying earlier this week, I hate running. Hate it. But I love finishing!

Congrats, Mom and Tara, for finishing your first 5K! I'm sooooooo proud of both you!!!!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday Evening Find

I just watched episode 1, season 1 of Desperate Housewives and I can't believe how hooked I am. I think I love it more than Deadwood. I have to get back on the couch to find out what happens next asap!

P.S. Just so you know, I'm not being a loser this Friday night - I have to work in the morning.

Friday Morning Rant

Oh my god I'm so sick of Don Imus! Can we please talk about something else?

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Good Day Sunshine

I'm always nervous the first time I ski in a season. Yes, its true - my first time skiing this season was in April. When Dad and I first got to the top of Majestic, I tried dilly-dallying by asking where they keep the tobaggons on the mountain, what's up with that funkily-painted double decker bus at the top of a lift, blahbiddy blahbiddy blah... But that only works for a minute, then its time to ski down, and I actually did just fine. Its like riding a bike. The run I liked the best today was Sunshine. It was so good, in fact, that we decided to do it twice in a row. The second time up the Snake Creek Express, I realized I had to pee. Challenge to self: get from the top of Snake to the bathroom at the base of the mountain without stopping. Challenge accepted. Challenge rocked! I swoosh swoosh swooshed down the entire mountain. I've never done that before, and it was fun. Eventually my quads were burning, my knees were aching, and I determined I only had one run left in me. On the way down that last time we watched a girl fall onto her own ski, and I got to watch ski-patroller Dad in action. He took her down on a tobaggon, which was exciting, and then it was time for me to get back to the valley for the next thing I've been nervous about lately...

Kickball practice. The season starts Thursday and I haven't played kickball since elementary school! But today I met my team, and they're really fun. Granted, two of them know one of my ex-boyfriends, and two of them know my boss, but that sort of thing is to be expected in Small Lake City. As for the kickballing itself, it wasn't so bad. The sprinting from base to base was harder than I thought, but it'll be good for me. I think I'm going to like it. As soon as I figure out what field position I'm most comfortable in.

Skiing in the morning. Kickballing in the afternoon. This is what springtime in the high desert is all about.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

I Love It. All Of It.

I love Galactic. I love the dancing. I love Stanton's drum stylings. I love the inevitable Led Zeppelin cover. I love the crowd. I love the vibe. I love a smoke-free venue. I love it more when its a cruise ship, but I'll take The Depot over Suede or Harry O's anyday. I love running into Brandon and Candice & Mike and Matt and Beau and Travis and Ariel & Pete and Ben and Big Boy and JJ. I love Dayna working her way up to the stage with the hope that someone from the band will point at her and say, "that's the girl from Jam Cruise." I don't love that it all happened on a Wednesday. But I deal with it. Because I love Galactic.

Saturday, March 31, 2007


I worked another bowling event today - this time in Saint George. After arriving at the bowling alley, Merridith and I realized that the single mini-styrofoam cup of coffee we'd each had back at the hotel wasn't doing the trick. Luckily we'd noticed a place called Perks right across the street. By "street" I mean "huge, heavily-trafficked, six-lane boulevard." We decided to trek over there. As we were crossing in front of all this traffic stopped at a red light just for us, we were making fun of our selves for wearing name tags and matching blue shirts. We got to Perks and started walking around the perimeter of the building, only to realize that we couldn't go in...this was a drive-up-only kind of establishment. Huh. There was a car at the window, which we stood behind. Another car pulled into the nearby driveway, and Merridith started begging under her breath, "please don't be coming for coffee...please don't be coming for coffee..." They were coming for coffee. Now we're wearing name tags and matching blue shirts, AND waiting in line, on foot, between two cars at a drive-up only coffee establishment. It was feeling very Napoleon Dynamite somehow. At this point one of the employees inside noticed us and came out. I pleadingly asked, "Are we allowed to get coffee from you even though we don't have a car?" He laughed at us and invited us up onto the sidewalk near the employee entrance to wait. When he came back out with our coffee, Merridith invited him to consider becoming a Big Brother. As if he'd be willing to take any advice from us, the two coolest people in Saint George.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

National Public Radio Member Here!

I am such a grown up.

This week is the KUER Fund Drive. They keep mentioning the $10,000 challenge grant American Express is offering if KUER can register 1,000 new members. And it just so happens that I heart Diane Rehm and Neal Conan and Terry Gross. So I pledged and became a new member. I'm going to get a Rand McNally World Map and a subscription to Newsweek! I tried to listen for my name on the radio, but I had to go pick up the rental car for my business trip to Saint George.

Huh. Business trip. I'm such a grown up.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

I Rule and Here's Why:

  • My co-workers kept telling me over and over yesterday that this was the best, most organized, most fun Bowl for Kids' Sake they'd ever been to
  • Savannah and Patrick, who volunteered at Bowler Check In (thanks so much, both of you!!), said they had fun, and Savannah kept telling me about the rave reviews she was hearing about me from my co-workers
  • Our Finance Director was really excited about the fact that even though we were a little bit shy of our goal for day-of, we still brought in three times what last year's day-of brought in
  • The crew at the bowling alley's concession stand told me that they heard so many bowlers who were coming up for their pizza talking about how they were totally having the best time
  • A cameraman from Fox13 showed up and one of our teams from Basic Research, dressed as bunnies, got to say, "We're the Basic Research Bunnies and we're bowling for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Utah...and ITS RUNGE TIME!" (it should be on tonight - watch for it)
  • Deb and Jason, who volunteered to take pictures from 10:00-6:00 (you two are the best!!), said they had a great time, the whole time
  • Our CEO hugged me...twice, and told me I was doing a great job several times
  • I managed to fill my last three emcee spots at the last minute and didn't have to talk into a microphone once
  • Everyone at Bowl for Kids' Sake seemed to love it, including me - I felt dorkily proud of myself all day yesterday, and still do. Yay me!

There's still St. George and Ogden, but I should be able to go to those and be bossed around, instead of doing the bossing. Ahh...the relief. Its over. For the most part.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


I was just in the restroom washing my hands when I heard a crash and a woman in one of the stalls started screaming. She came out with a lithium battery in her hand, noticed me frozen in fear, and said, "Oh my god. There is someone in here. I just dropped my phone in the toilet. Good thing I flushed first."

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Oh My God! Are You Serious?

I just watched Jesus Camp. I just spent an hour and a half alternating between saying "Oh my god!" and "Are you serious?" I don't want to give anything away. I just want you to watch this movie. And vote.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

One Down, Three To Go

I did it. I successfully managed my first Bowl for Kids' Sake. It was small. One session. 41 bowlers. But it went smoothly. My favorite part was over-hearing one of my male co-workers asking one of our male Littles, a teenager who's getting ready to start high school next year, "How's the ladies?" and the Little responding, "Fly."

Ha. Boys.

Next weekend will be the big one. Five sessions. Up to 120 bowlers each session. Ten hours of bowling. Yikers.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Snooze Control

I need help! I have the worst snoozing problem. It used to be really bad. It got better. For a while I even got up on the first buzz, buzz, buzz. I attributed my improvement to being 30. Grown-ups get up on time. But now I'm 30 and five months (today, actually) and its horrible again!

My set-up is this: there is an alarm clock next to my bed that goes off five minutes before the real alarm clock - my preliminary wake-up call. The real alarm clock is across my bedroom inside my closet, so I have to get out of my covers and walk across the room to turn it off. Isn't that supposed to do the trick? Aren't I supposed to be up after that? No. Take today, for example. The preliminary alarm goes off. "Oh, god," I think to myself. Five minutes later, the other alarm goes off. I remember that we just had daylight savings, and justify snoozing because my body thinks its actually 5:30 a.m. I can't get myself into the shower, but I can have an entire internal conversation about daylight savings time and allow myself to snooze for 9 minutes...or 18...or 27...or 36...

How can I stop this from happening? This is not a rhetorical question. I really want your suggestions.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Twenty Again

Brittany and I went to another reggae show on Friday night. Eek A Mouse.

We got to Suede while the opening band, the B Foundation, was playing. I was quite surprised to hear this punk-y, Sublime-ish band opening at a reggae show. And since I was expecting the same old hippie crowd we see at every show, I found it very refreshing that the only people I recognized were Brittany and Charlie the bartender (who, p.s., was wearing a Dixie Chicks shirt that had me laughing my ass off). I commented to Brittany that I felt like we just stepped outside of Salt Lake City, and I liked it. The dread-locked guy in the weird hat covered in mirrors and feathers even made me feel a little like I was on the Jam Cruise, and I liked that even more. Then a guy in a Pennywise t-shirt walked past me as the B Foundation started covering a NOFX song. I flashed back to college. I honestly felt 20 again. It was fantastic. Oi! Oi! Oi!

Oh, yeah. And Eek A Mouse was awesome, too.

Friday, March 9, 2007

The Lone Demonstrator

I was just on my way into work and as I was vearing southbound onto 900 East from Van Winkle, I noticed a man standing on the island next to the traffic light. His back was to me. He was holding a sign. Then he started pumping his fist in the air. I thought to myslef, That's a little aggressive for a man who wants my spare change. But as he turned around, still pumping his fist, I caught a glimpse of his sign: "Impeach Bush!" I wish I was driving slow enough to read his reasoning for impeaching Bush at the bottom of his sign.

Really, though. How many Utahns is this one guy on Van Winkle and Ninth going to convince to impeach Bush? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't a demonstration more impactful if the demonstrator is in a group of other passionate demonstrators? I feel like some group ought to rally and demonstrate a demonstration for the lone demonstrator.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

My T.V. is Dead to Me

NO! No. I don't mean that. I love my t.v. It keeps me company.

I'm just bitter because those jerkfaces at the cable company got smart to the fact that I had the Style Network for free. And they took it away. Now I can never again watch Finola Hughes as she answers the question, "How Do I Look?"

That is not Comcastic.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Neighborhood Walk

I just saw a woman, probably in her 40s, wearing a Roots beret, a la the 2002 Olympics, being towed by her dog on her razor scooter. She's rad.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Who Says Chivalry is Dead?

Last night, I was innocently enjoying my Bud Light at my dear friend Deb's "Fat Tuesday on a Saturday" party, when the man next to me decided to smack my ass. Mind you, I hadn't been interacting with him at all. It was a totally unsolicited, random ass smack. When I turned to him to say, "Um, that's really not okay with me," he booed me. Booed. I'm still scrunching my eyebrows in disbelief.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Work is Affecting My Ability to Blog

I'm afraid I'm going to lose my four dedicated readers because I have nothing exciting to report...

I.E., this morning I was at a bowling alley at 7:30 - in heels - presenting to 25 Arby's store managers the fund raiser I'm working my ass off to plan. It was draining. Every day is draining. I have nothing fun to blog about anymore.

Please stay tuned, friends. It will all be over in only 57 wake-ups.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Pato Banton & the Mystic Roots Band

Last night I was sitting in my jammies, moping and watching Cocoon on KUED. The sad thing about it was how content I was to just do that until I felt like going to bed. Which could have been anytime.

At 8:something I got a text from Brittany: "Do you want to go see Pato Banton tonight at Suede?" Pato what? She says its reggae. I'm trying to think of any reason not to go. I'd have to put on jeans and shoes. Its cold outside. We'd have to drive up Parleys Canyon. I shouldn't spend the money. I don't want to do my makeup. Blahbiddy blahbiddy blah.

Then it clicked... "Jessica," I told myself, "no self-respecting, thirty-year-old single girl wants to go back to work on Monday and say, 'Oh my god, you guys, I totally forgot how good Cocoon is!'" I got up, made some coffee, and got ready.

And thank god I did! I'll admit, I was a little skeptical when the Mystic Roots Band came out and they were the whitest reggae band I've ever seen. But it wasn't long before Pato joined them and everyone there was shakin' their groove thangs. Britt couldn't have put it better - Pato and those white boys killed it. The show (aside from one long-ish spiritual song complete with a prayer in the middle) was super fun, high energy, dance-tastic!

Thank you, Brittany, for saving the life of my Saturday night!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Should I Inhale?

I mean, I can't even see the mountains right now. And from what I remember, they're huge, and not that far away. On the news the other night they were talking about the cities across the nation that currently have the poorest air quality. The top five were:
  1. Ogden, UT
  2. Salt Lake City, UT
  3. Provo, UT
  4. Logan, UT
  5. Bakersfield, CA
I wonder if this has anything to do with the perpetual headache I've had for the last couple of weeks...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Joy of Sunflower Seeds

I never knew how great sunflower seeds are. I'm not sure why. I just never tried one. I mean, I remember someone giving me some sunflower seeds when I was younger, and telling me not to eat the outside. But in my confusion about how to get the inside out without eating the outside, I simply sucked the salt off and went on with my life.

I was driving to Grand Teton National Park in July with my dear friend Nicholas, who picked up a bag of sunflower seeds for the ride. I was kind of hungry, so I asked, "What do I do? How do I eat this?" Nick said, "You've never eaten a sunflower seed? I feel like I don't even know you!" Once he got over the initial shock, he explained how you gently ease the shell open with your teeth, work the seed out of the shell with your tongue, and then remove the shell from your mouth before chewing and swallowing the itty-bitty seed.

At first it seemed like an extraneous amount of work for one little snack, but now I'm hooked. I can enjoy the salty satisfaction literally all day, for only one Weight Watcher point. Brilliant!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sundance Your Ass Off

I've lived in Utah for 15 Sundance Film Festivals, but aside from the occasional collection of short films, I haven't done anything too Sundance-y. Until yesterday.

All you had to say was "Ozomatli" and "free", and I was all sorts of ready to brave the crowds and the weather. I bundled up in three layers of clothes (including three pairs of socks) and met up with some friends to head to the Park City Mountain Resort. We had a P-Diddy sighting almost immediately - he was like 10 feet from us! We also spied Keanu Reeves from afar. And a couple outside of the restrooms spotted Nick and said, "I can't remember his name, but he's somebody."

The Ozo show was phenomenal, as per usual! These boys from L.A. can put on an incredibly energetic show, even in below freezing temperatures.

But my favorite part was finally getting that picture with Asdru I was too shy to ask for on the Jam Cruise two years ago...

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

My Triumphant Return to the Library

Those of you who regularly discuss books with me know that I shop on because of the late fees I owe to the Salt Lake County Library System. After probably a year of avoidance, I finally decided it was time to face those fees.

I shamefully approached the cute, faux-hawked boy at the desk and explained, "I haven't been here in a while because I owe an embarrassing amount of money." I asked if it would be okay to chip away at my debt a few dollars at a time, and he agreed. He even let me check out TWO books, and with an adorable smile and a hearty, "Welcome back to the library!", sent me on my way.

I guess this means I have no excuse for not reading what my book club decides on.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I Heart Jam Cruise

Could there possibly be a better vacation than being on a boat full of fun-loving hippies and rock stars visiting tropical locations? This was my third Jam Cruise and it has gotten so much better every year! This time around we stopped by the Turks & Caicos Islands and Cayo Levantado with the Derek Trucks Band, Umphrey's McGee, Galactic, the Greyboy Allstars, Garage a Benevento, Burning Spear, the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Railroad Earth, Deep Banana Blackout, Perpetual Groove, Los Amigos Invisibles, Ivan Neville's Dumpstafunk, ALO, Hot Buttered Rum, New Mastersounds, the Stanton Moore Trio, Luther Dickinson, JJ Grey, Eric Krasno, George Porter Jr., Oteil Burbridge, Tea Leaf Green, and Jeff Austin.

Here's my Jam Cruise 5 Top Ten:

10. Spending days on the Pool Deck. The last two Jam Cruises had two or three stages going all day long, so we were always bouncing around. This year the only music during the day was on the pool deck, so our two days at sea were spent lounging and sun bathing, being shmoozed by presidential candidates, listening to great music, and people watching. I loved every second of it.

9. This conversation~
me: I never thought I'd be in Turks & Caicos, on a horse on a beach next to Eric Krasno.
Eric Krasno: What's your name?
me: Jessica.
Eric Krasno: I never thought I'd be on a horse on a beach next to Jessica.

8. Cayo Levantado, a private island off the Dominican Republic, was the gorgeous, lush, warm, sunny tropical paradise I've always wanted to visit. We Jam Cruisers had it all to ourselves, complete with a set by Hot Buttered Rum. Heaven.

7. JJ Grey, Luther Dickinson, and Stanton Moore playing a great set of southern rock together. Not to mention the eye candy.

6. New Mastersounds are my favorite find from the line-up. So funky!

5. The sit-ins! Its so amazing to have so many musicians in such a confined space. I couldn't begin to list them all, but here are a few of my faves. Karl D. with New Mastersounds. Susan Tedeschi and Oteil Burbridge with the Derek Trucks Band. Eric Krasno with Dumpstafunk rocking James Brown's Super Bad. Jeff Austin playing Waiting for Jaden with ALO. George Porter Jr. with the Stanton Moore Trio.

4. Galactic's set on the last night put me into a rock coma! Wow!

3. 1:00 a.m. on the Pool Deck. Diet Coke in my hand. Refreshing ocean breeze on my face. Perpetual Groove on stage. Life does not get better than this.

2. Galactic on the Pool Deck on night 2 with Mike D. on percussion, JJ Grey on vocals, Karl Denson and Robert Walter, Skerik, an amazing Kashmir cover right as it started to rain, Ivan Neville, George Porter Jr., and members of the Dirty Dozen Brass Band. Seriously, I love Jam Cruise.

1. Garage a Benevento on the Pool Deck. This set was like the epitome of why I love live music so much. The music itself is kind of crazy, I don't really know how to describe it. But watching it happen - the chemistry among Mike D., Stanton, Skerik, and Marco Benevento - is so amazing! You know they're making it up as they go from the way they're communicating with their facial expressions, but you can't really believe it. I can't even explain it. All I can say is, if you ever have a chance to see these four play together, DO NOT MISS IT!

Check out my pictures!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Story of my Snowshoes

I acquired two pairs of snowshoes - one men's, one women's - in a divorce. Not my divorce. An ex-coworkers divorce. She wanted to purge her new life of anything that reminded her of old life, including said snowshoes, still in the box.

Now that I think about it, that was three or four years ago.

My dad and I finally decided to take them out of their boxes and give them a go on New Year's Eve. Mom joined along with a rental pair.

We quickly - like two minutes into the hike - discovered that our brand new snowshoes were pieces of poo. The straps kept slipping off of our toes and our heals, and when we tugged on the straps to tighten them, the (I don't know the technical term for this...) parts of the shoes where the straps were laced through started to rip. Dad made it about half an hour before strapping his snowshoes to his backpack. I lasted maybe 15 minutes more. Luckily we were at the top of Millcreek Canyon, on the road, where the snow was hard packed. Or I would have been one whiney girl.

At least it was beautiful. And we had wine and hershey kisses. Here are a few pictures.

New Year's Resolution

To become a blogger.