The D.O.

I've been having this terrible back pain this week. Monday I spent literally the entire day laying on my back on a heating pad on my living room floor, bored practically to tears. So yesterday I went to a doctor who recommended I see a D.O. Turns out, D.O. stands for Doctor of Osteopathy, described to me as, "a chiropractor who went to med school." Well, if they can make it stop hurting, bring it.

This morning I called the D.O. and she said she could squeeze me in at 1:00. So at 1:00 I got there. These are the strange things that happened:

1. She works out of her home - I didn't see that coming. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to knock, or just go in. Awkward.
   
2. I decided to knock. When she answered she said, "As you can hear, there is a lot of vacuuming going on, and I already have a patient in the back, so you'll want to fill out this preliminary paper work in your car, where it will be more peaceful." (I don't know if you noticed, lady, but its pouring rain outside.)
3. Back inside, she took me into her office, if you could call it that, and told me to take a seat. Then she grabbed her purse and said, "I have to pay my cleaning lady."
4. Finally, she comes back in and we get to talking. Mid-sentence she stopped to explain that she ran out of tissues, and then she wiped her nose on her sleeve!!! Are you kidding???
5. She answered not one, not two, but three calls on her cell phone! After the first she said, "I try not to get too distracted when I'm with a patient." Her hand was on my ass during the entire second call. And at the end of the third call she said to the person on the phone, "I'm with someone and can't talk right now," and then gave my back a little scratch/pat thing that I can only assume was meant as a comforting little, "I didn't forget about you."
6. She assessed my alignment, and I wasn't too surprised to find out I'm wonky on the right side. She cracked my back, which was fine because I do that all the time. But when it got to the neck cracking, I told her I was pretty nervous, and she explained that its fine, its part of the realignment process, she does it all the time. But then after cracking my neck and asking if I felt ok, she said, "Good, I'm glad. I don't want you going back to your doctor and telling her I hurt you." Comforting.
7. When doctors work out of their home, they don't take visa. I've never been to a doctor's home before, so I wasn't expecting to need a check. Or more money in my checking account than the amount of my copay. Turns out, when doctors work out of their homes, they expect you to write a check for the full amount and then trust that the insurance company will reimburse you. Huh. This ought to be interesting.
8. When she told me the full amount would be $175, I must have looked surprised. Because she asked if that sounded fair. I answered, "I don't know. I've never payed for anything like this before." To which she responded, "Well we did spend a fair amount of time together." (But really? $70 an hour? I don't know if you noticed, lady, but you wiped snot on your sleeve right in front of me.)

The good news is, my back feels tremendously better. But at what cost?