Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Overheard at the Christmas Eve Dinner Table

mommy weber: My goal is to gain as much weight as possible before the New Year because heavier people lose weight faster.

mommy lisa: Are you going to go back to weight watchers?

mommy weber: No. I don't like their attitude.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Overheard at ShopKo

punk-rocker mom: Honey, if you can't be good, I'm going to make you listen to Toby Keith's Christmas.

3-ish-year-old boy: I don't want to.

punk-rocker mom: I know, honey. Nobody wants to.

Friday, December 21, 2007

No Possible Weigh

I visited my doctor on the way to work this morning. It was very very snowy, and as a result the nurse was not in quite yet. So my doctor asked the receptionist lady to weigh me and show me to my room. I stepped on the scale and up popped a number I do not wish to disclose. I looked at the receptionist lady who was just standing there staring at the readout. I was wondering if she was going to write it down or if I should just step off the scale when she finally said, with as much disbelief as a girl can have in her voice, "I don't think that's right."

I started laughing and said, "That's very sweet of you, but that number is indeed accurate."

With the sound of disbelief and the look of shock not going anywhere, she said, "I can't believe that. I would never have guessed that. I wouldn't make a very good nurse."

I assured her that she makes the best nurse ever.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Dream About the Nap

The other day I was napping and dreamt about my nap.

In real life and in my dream, I was tired and watching tv, as I often am on a Sunday. I had plans with my friend Dave that evening, and knew I needed to call him to figure out what we would be doing, but it was only 12:20 and I figured I'd be a better conversationalist post-my nap, which I anticipated lasting about an hour.

In my dream, I woke up and realized it was getting dark-ish outside. I checked the time - 5:30. Shit! I felt like a jerk for not calling Dave sooner, and felt surprised that he hadn't called me either. So I called, and he told me that he had actually decided to go shopping instead, and we weren't going to be hanging out. Fine then.

This all felt very real. Until my phone woke me up, and I realized that in real life it was only 1:00 and sunny. It was Dave calling to offer up dinner and a movie, not to ditch me. Phew.

P.S. We saw No Country For Old Men, and I'm sorry to everyone who thinks its the best movie ever of all time...I didn't like it. It weirded me out.

Friday, December 14, 2007

What Are You Implying, Google?

Tonight is girls night, sweatpants required. The girls and I have been emailing back and forth about it for a little while now. This morning I opened the chain of emails, and along with it came the following Google Sponsored Links on my sidebar:
Find a Rich Guy Today
Rude Offensive T Shirts
Fabulous Girls Underwear
Talk about creepster dot com. How does Google know that we're rude, offensive gold diggers in fabulous underwear? Is Google stalking us?

Good Start / Bad Start

Good Start: A handsome Latino man with a sexy accent was leaving Starbucks at the same time as me and said, "You look very nice with your glasses." Heck yes I do.

Bad Start: I was thinking about the Latino man instead of paying attention to the car in front of me. Which was stopped. In the middle of the road. For no apparent reason. Don't worry - the road was not slippery and I slowed down quickly enough to not hit them. I did have to navigate a snowbank to get around them though. And my heart was racing faster than I wanted it to.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Early Bird Special

We've discussed my snoozing problem. A couple of times. I'm not good at mornings. Obviously. So when Hannah said, "We're meeting at Ruth's at 7:45 on Wednesday for breakfast. Do you want to come?" I thought, "You must be kidding. You want me to get up early? And meet you somewhere at 7:45? A.M.? And you're not going to pay me for it?"

As it turns out, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was fun. From 8:00-9:00 a.m., Ruth's will feed you a biscuit, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and pancakes...all for the low cost of $4.97. You get to drink coffee and chat with girlfriends. And you get to go to work in a jovial mood.

Same time next week, ladies?

Monday, December 3, 2007

Observations From the Weekend

1. Although they are a dangerous combination, it is possible to fall in love with high heels and snow in the same year.

2. It is really great to have girlfriends who get together on a Friday night to share a pizza and four bottles of wine while chatting straight through three movies in a row. In sweatpants.

3. Boys who are only willing to communicate with you through text messaging are dirtbags.

4. I need to convince one Heather Badger Plummer to move herself and her cute family to The SLC. She always manages to tell the funniest stories when you're in the worst mood.

5. When you need someone to crash the pity party you're throwing for yourself, call Sarah. She knows which coffee shops serve both cupcakes AND beer. On top of that, if the opportunity presents itself, she might bring you homemade pumpkin beer*.
*Sarah, I can't remember who you said made the beer, but I would appreciate it if you could please let them know that it is not only the best homemade beer I've ever tried, but also the best pumpkin beer I've ever tried. And I've tried a lot of pumpkin beers.

6. Burlesque shows in Utah, while offering the promise of coolness, are not quite as cool as I was hoping.

7. Friends from the states in the middle that start with "M" have the best accents.

8. The dollar store on 800 East and 200 South looks really small from the outside, but fear not - it has the same amount of junk on the inside as other dollar stores. Only in a more claustrophobic fashion.

9. When someone takes your wet, clean clothes out of a washer you are clearly still using, as indicated by the bag of dry, dirty clothes sitting right next to said washer, it provides the motivation to stop saying you're saving for your own washer/dryer and actually start saving.

10. Unshoveled sidewalks add a new element of adventure to running.

11. I really enjoy cooking for myself, and need to get back into the habit of doing it. Who else is going to make creole pork chops with red beans and rice and then put the leftovers into tupperware containers and freeze them for my lunches?

12. It is an incredible boost when an adorable, charming, funny 25-ish-year-old boy thinks you're only 22. And means it. Even if he's very drunk. And married.