I Can't Decide Which is Worse

Running past the smell of Millie's Burgers in the evening.
OR
Running past the smell of Granite and Paradise Bakeries in the morning.

My name is Jessica, and I'm a fattening-food-aholic.

A Word of Advice

Don't wear pants that have four buttons and a zipper if you plan on drinking a lot of water.

A Note To My Yoga Instructor

Dear Micah,

What in God's name did you do to us on Saturday? Your class did not feel out of the ordinary. There weren't any poses I was previously unfamiliar with. So why, then, do my hamstrings feel as though they are ripping in half whenever I try to lower myself into a chair or run down a set of stairs? Why, Micah? WHY?

Painfully yours,
Jessica

Kicking Balls and Taking Names

If kickball had a turkey (you know? like bowling?), the Azul Bolas earned one last night. I was told after our first win to enjoy that feeling, because that was it. But last night, we took our third win. And I am enjoying that feeling. Winning feels good. Go Blue Balls!

P.S. I - Miss Total Lack of Depth Perception - caught a fly ball. My team was proud.

GET LOUDEREST!

Oh my god. My hands hurt from clapping. My throat hurts from screaming and laughing. My tummy hurts from that giant bowl of ice cream Dad wanted at half-time. But my first NBA Playoff Game was f-ing awesome!!! You frequent readers know I can't resist creating a list... So here it is - my favorite parts of the game:

• There was an X-large Utah Jazz t-shirt on every seat in the lower bowl, which resulted in this amazing sea of light blue. My faves were all the business men who pulled the t-shirts over their collared shirts. And Larry Miller, stuffed into his XL like a pig in a blanket.
• The crowd was crazy intense agro mad at the refs from the get-go. It was funny.
• Right after half-time, the kid in front of me pointed and excitedly said, ''There's Fisher!" as the entire Center Formerly Known as Delta erupted in cheers and applause. There was so much energy in there!
• Said kid was with, I think, his dad and his grandpa. They were three generations of intensity. The dad was yelling things like, "you're not a ref, you're an idiot," and "what game are you watching, ref?" into his megaphone. But when he yelled, he was kind of shaking and it made me nervous that he was going to have an aneurysm or embolism or something that pops in your brain. And when the Warriors were taking a foul shot and the crowd was booing, the grandpa would wait until the crowd was quiet, and then boo really loudly into his megaphone, and then look really proud of himself.
  
• I've never slapped so many high-fives in my life.
• Golden State Warrior Davis has a sweet beard even though he hardly has hair on the top of his head. And he is a whiny baby, even though he has good moves and scored a career record high of 36 points. (I just want to clarify that I don't know anything about sports. I just enjoy attending sporting events, and heard someone on the radio on the way home say "career record high of 36 points.")
• The Jazz Bear was driving a segue, like Gob. And towards the end of the fourth quarter, one of the songs they played was "Final Countdown," like Gob uses at the beginning of his magic show.
• The end of the fourth quarter was incredibly stressful , but we got an overtime!
• And the Jazz won! By 10!

It was so much fun! I would love to post my pictures on flickr, but its 11:00 and I'm tuckered out. Maybe tomorrow. Or Friday.

GO JAZZ!

There is Joy in my Heart

FINALLY...
After hours of anticipation...
After checking www.jamcruise.com every ten minutes since I got to work at 8:00 this morning...

The Jam Cruise 6 ports and bands are announced!!!

We're going to Roatan, Honduras and back to Costa Maya, Mexico. (I never imagined cruising to Honduras - I'm going to have to check out a map.)

And we're going with Galactic, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Soulive, The Motet, Toots & the Maytals, Yonder Mountain String Band, Perpetual Groove, Toubab Krewe, Karl Denson, The Everyone Orchestra, Funky Meters, other people I need to learn about, and more to be announced I'm sure.

Now to make my paper chain to help me count down to embarkation...

The D.O.

I've been having this terrible back pain this week. Monday I spent literally the entire day laying on my back on a heating pad on my living room floor, bored practically to tears. So yesterday I went to a doctor who recommended I see a D.O. Turns out, D.O. stands for Doctor of Osteopathy, described to me as, "a chiropractor who went to med school." Well, if they can make it stop hurting, bring it.

This morning I called the D.O. and she said she could squeeze me in at 1:00. So at 1:00 I got there. These are the strange things that happened:

1. She works out of her home - I didn't see that coming. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to knock, or just go in. Awkward.
   
2. I decided to knock. When she answered she said, "As you can hear, there is a lot of vacuuming going on, and I already have a patient in the back, so you'll want to fill out this preliminary paper work in your car, where it will be more peaceful." (I don't know if you noticed, lady, but its pouring rain outside.)
3. Back inside, she took me into her office, if you could call it that, and told me to take a seat. Then she grabbed her purse and said, "I have to pay my cleaning lady."
4. Finally, she comes back in and we get to talking. Mid-sentence she stopped to explain that she ran out of tissues, and then she wiped her nose on her sleeve!!! Are you kidding???
5. She answered not one, not two, but three calls on her cell phone! After the first she said, "I try not to get too distracted when I'm with a patient." Her hand was on my ass during the entire second call. And at the end of the third call she said to the person on the phone, "I'm with someone and can't talk right now," and then gave my back a little scratch/pat thing that I can only assume was meant as a comforting little, "I didn't forget about you."
6. She assessed my alignment, and I wasn't too surprised to find out I'm wonky on the right side. She cracked my back, which was fine because I do that all the time. But when it got to the neck cracking, I told her I was pretty nervous, and she explained that its fine, its part of the realignment process, she does it all the time. But then after cracking my neck and asking if I felt ok, she said, "Good, I'm glad. I don't want you going back to your doctor and telling her I hurt you." Comforting.
7. When doctors work out of their home, they don't take visa. I've never been to a doctor's home before, so I wasn't expecting to need a check. Or more money in my checking account than the amount of my copay. Turns out, when doctors work out of their homes, they expect you to write a check for the full amount and then trust that the insurance company will reimburse you. Huh. This ought to be interesting.
8. When she told me the full amount would be $175, I must have looked surprised. Because she asked if that sounded fair. I answered, "I don't know. I've never payed for anything like this before." To which she responded, "Well we did spend a fair amount of time together." (But really? $70 an hour? I don't know if you noticed, lady, but you wiped snot on your sleeve right in front of me.)

The good news is, my back feels tremendously better. But at what cost?